Hello? Testing, testing. Is this thing on? Testing. I don't hear anything. Is there a switch or something? Here's one. TESTING! Ah, there we go.
Welcome in. Grab a handfull of cheese doodles and a beer. Not THAT beer. Yeah, that one's Ok. Take a seat and enjoy the entertainment.
Tonight, I would like to formally announce that the world sucks. Actually, that's not accurate. The PEOPLE in the world are what's really fucked up. And boy, are there plenty of them. I would like to share with you some of the annoyances that I've encountered over the past few, um...days, let's call it...that have me wishing that these people had had parents who's medical plans included abortion.
First of all, I'd like to talk about the fuck-stick who insists on turning left from a "straight or right turn only" lane. What the fuck is that all about? There I am, in my proper lane, ready to obey traffic laws, when I'm cut off by some dorky looking office nut who can't remember how to get to work without putting his newspaper down. Is the news that enlightening? What happened yesterday that you didn't hear about, that's so fucking important that you need to bone up for the daily conversation around the water cooler? Here's a conversation for you, you prick, "Hey, guys. Have you seen my new ride? It's brand new. It's got GPS, a CD player, four-wheel steering, and this awesome streak of fucked up blue paint down the left side from the Honda I banged into this morning". Here's an idea...fuck the paper and use that GPS. Then you'll get to work without sharing that shit-colored, high-gloss paint with somebody elses blue Honda.
How was that Jack? JACK, WAS THAT OK? Great. I'm ready for the crowd. What time do we start? What was that? Oh, 7 o'clock. Good, I've got time to take a dump. Where's the newspaper?
